By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
