we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize