I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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