my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
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