Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
