Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
