This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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