bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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