I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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