is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
