I look better un-naked...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
