i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize