he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
