The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
