nut hugger
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Couch. On fire.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
