Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
