my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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