Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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