i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
