ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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