Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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