Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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