I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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