I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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