Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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