I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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