Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
