I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
