I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
