Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
