When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
