You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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