I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
