Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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