I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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