is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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