Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is it penis luge time yet?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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