we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
