hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
