FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
