If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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