put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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