I just pynch a tree in the face
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
