Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
