ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
