I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
