P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
