Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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