Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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