I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
