I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
