I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
