wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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