I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
