Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just found puke in my bra..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Randomize