You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I cockslap morals
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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