I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
