I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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